Ok, so you’ve found yourself single and hating it? Or just looking for a bit of fun? What was once reserved for creeps, is now the go-to game in finding someone to put that spring back in your step. Online dating can be an amazing way to meet new and interesting people you may never have come across in ‘REAL LIFE’, so what have you got to lose? I’m gonna start a little series all about dating. I’m pretty much learning as I go along but hey, my embarrassments and failings can be your entertainment; even if just for a little while…don’t say I’m not good to you! I’m talking- putting yourself out there (done), reeling in a hottie (done!) and the highs and lows of the dating game (still doing). I’m gonna kick this bad boy off with talking Tinder profiles and the all-important ‘first contact’….

Earlier this year I came out of a semi- serious relationship and was single and ready-ish to mingle for the first time since I was 15….scary stuff. So um….where do you meet people? What if you’re bored of everyone you know or don’t have friends who can hook you up with the potential guy/ girl of your dreams? Get your butt on Tinder of course!

Now let’s be clear…I am NOT a dater. I’ve never really done it and the thought of meeting up with a stranger quite honestly, creeped me right out. However, times they are a changin’ and after some pretty constant pressure from my friends (I think so they could revel in my humiliation) I took one for the team and decided to get me some Tinder action. The main benefit of this to me -as a girl who assumes every guy who approaches me in a bar/ club is a creep- is that I can make snap judgements on someone (I am SO Regina George) from the courtesy of my own couch; facemask on, slice of pizza in one hand and my iPhone in the other…what’s not to love? It’s like shopping- see a hottie, put them in my metaphorical basket and wait for the magic to happen….sound too good to be true? That’s because it is.

In my short lived Tinder career (3 weeks) I’ve come up with a couple of Tinder commandments that I want to share and also rounded up the troops to give you a crash course in Tinder and the dating world in general…so sit back, relax, get yourself a beer and enjoy the trials and tribulations of my adventures in Tinder-land…

If you’re fully versed in what Tinder is (you little minx) then skip this paragraph. If you’ve never seen Tinder, it’s a pretty basic app that let’s you pick a radius and will show you all the guys and girls (depending on your preference) within it and allow you to swipe right on their picture if you’re into them, left if you’re not. Harsh huh? If the people you have right swiped, right swipe you back then you have a ‘Match’ and only then can you begin chatting to each other. Simple! Ok, let’s get this show on the road….

Ok, you’re IN! Let’s get that profile on point!
We all know that if you’re on Tinder, you’re pretty fickle and ever so slightly ‘judgey’ so your profile and what’s on it is crucial!
DON’T– Have only group shots as your profile pictures. Yes it’s great that you have friends and do fun things, but aint nobody taking a chance on someone when we haven’t even seen your face- LEFT SWIPE.
DON’T– Put pictures of you with your significantly better looking friend. Ok ok, I know that’s mean but even if you’re a solid 7/10, standing next to an 8/ 9 is only gonna drop your stock, don’t do it!
DO– Choose wisely. A clear picture that shows your actual face (no sunglasses please. I’m lookin’ at YOU, Kanye). Even a selfie will do! You take them directly from your Facebook account, lucky for me I have more then a few selfies on there (and by that I mean, thousands).

You also get a chance to put in a little bio, say what you want, but please….
DON’T– Write your life story- we REALLY don’t care this early in the game. Save the chat for when you get a match or…dare I say, DATE!!
DO– keep it short and snappy, say what you’re looking for, let a little part of your personality come out without spilling your soul into it. Here’s mine-

Shakespeare it ain’t, but it gets the job done and people seem to enjoy it.

Now you’re all set, get swiping baby! This is where it all gets interesting!
DO– Bat up a league. Don’t be shy, you are probably in that league anyway, be a strong independent gurrl/ guy and go get yours!
DO– Go with your gut. ‘Oh but he looks like he could be nice…’ Hold up, are we shopping in the sale aisle? Of COURSE we’re not. If you don’t fancy them…BUH BYE them.

You got a match!!! Well done sweetcheeks…now what?
We’ve all seen Tinder Nightmares on social media….some people just get it wrong….SO wrong *shakes head
DON’T– Try too hard to be quirky and weird if you actually want to date this person. Yeah you might be funny, but calm it down please.

DON’T– Be boring. Ok, I realise its coming across like I’m giving you mixed messages here but if I get a message just saying ‘Hello’ I am not responding. You wouldn’t do that in person, and Tinder is cut throat, so be friendly.

DON’T– Write me an essay. Keep it short and sweet, time is precious and unless you are Ryan Gosling, I’m probably not going to read 17 lines of narrative about how you wrestled with how to start a conversation with me, ya get me?

DO- say something sweet. Compliment something you noticed about their picture or their bio. Something simple. People are shallow (yes you are) and everyone is on here for a little somethin’ somethin’, so give them a taste! Stroke their ego on Tinder and, well you know where I’m going with this….

DO- Strap on a pair. Metaphorically, I mean (literally if you wanna I guess, whatever gets ya going sweet thing). Don’t be afraid to make the first move. From what I know, girls generally don’t make the first contact on Tinder, but hey! We strong independent women right? Fire up some Beyonce and go get yours sugar!

DON’T– Bombard your match with messages without them replying. You desperate honey? No, so don’t do it.

Wow….. he definitely didn’t see me there.

So there you have it…I’ll leave you to get your profile on fleek and bask in the glory of all your hot matches! Next time I’m gonna get REAL personal and share some pretty savage stories about Tinder chat and the dreaded FIRST DATE! Make no mistake, if you though I was harsh this time, I’m taking NO prisoners for the next installment of my adventures in Tinderland.

Till next time…happy swiping sweetheart!

Kirsty x