Ex’s eh?

Everyones got them- some are great, some…not so much.

In my last Tinder blog ‘The Art of Dumping & Getting Dumped with Dignity’ (read here babes) I spoke about the ACTUAL break up…but what happens afterwards? 

Wanna know my top tips for getting through a break up WITHOUT looking like an absolute idiot? Keep reading sweetcheeks… 

This weekend, I found myself in a situation where I was going to come face to face with my ex for the first time since the night we broke up almost 2 years ago.  Everyone had questions; ‘Is it going to be awkward?’, ‘Are you nervous?’, ‘Do you feel weird seeing him with his new girlfriend?’ The answer to all of these questions pals, is No.

So it got me thinking, why are some ex’s a royal pain in the dick to everyone and why are some a walk in the park to be around…not that I’m an expert in these things but you know me, I like to help y’all learn from my mistakes ; )

Now, heartbreak can do crazy things to a person and I’m not sure anyone REALLY knows who they are until their heart has been broken, but it aint a nice place to be.  Since I’ve broken most of the rules I’m about to give you (and so have you honey, lets be real) I can honestly say that knowing how to handle yourself when the chips are down will make you win in the long run girl…lets begin.

So you just got your ass dumped….

#1- Dont broadcast the break up on social media

Honey I know this feels like the easiest way to get your frustrations out and let the world know you’re hurting but PLEASE, think before you post. When I flick through Facebook and see a rant about being cheated on or how devastated someone is after being shit- canned I don’t think ‘Aw, what a crying shame’; I think ‘How fucking desp’ and so does everyone else. 

If you’re REALLY heartbroken, likes and well wishes on Facebook will not help.  Go get a cuddle from your bestie, crack open some wine, order a pizza and let it all out- to someone who loves you…NOT your ex high school pals and current work colleagues- hold your head high babes, keep that shit private-you a strong independant woman!

This also goes for publicly changing relationship status to ‘Single’- *yawns

#2 Delete them off of social media

This ones simple. Even if just for a few months until the dust settles and you both figure out where your heads are at.  Clarity comes with time- and it’s not going to happen if you’re refreshing FB and checking their Instagram looking for shit to be upset about.

#3 If you dont follow rule #2- dont snoop them and then post cryptic posts

OMG this one is the worst! There is nothing more hilarious than seeing a ‘directly indirect’ post- you can almost HEAR everyones eye roll and collective sigh. 

Now I have a history of being a snooper…we ALL do it; it’s fun and it gives ALL the banter on any group whatsapp (Mean Girls aint got shit on us…we are SAVAGE).  Draw the line at cryptic posts- it’s dumb, and you look dumb, and we’re all posting on the group chat about how dumb you look. 

Oh, and to all the random Facebook friends (your Mum’s colleague who you’ve met once or the creepy guy from work who is seriously trying to bat up a league) who comment or ask questions, ‘You ok hun?’ ‘Better off without him’ or my personal favourite ‘What’s for you won’t go by you’- well, you guys are really just making the situation all the more dumb. 

If my friends seen a post like this on my page, they’d be at my door with a Dominos and a shoulder to cry on before swiftly telling me to take that post DOWN- and that’s why I love them.  So if you see your homegirl in need, help a sista out!

#4 Don’t drunk dial

These calls can go 1 of 3 ways (sometimes all 3 if you REAL crazy)

1. Sloppy drunk aggression
2. Sloppy drunk weeping
3. Sloppy drunk booty call

None of the above is cute. Just DON’T.

Last but not least my friends….

#5 Dont try and be friends with their friends

Yeah you knew these people when you were together, but ultimately it’s a ‘No’.  

You’re doing it to wind them up. I know it, you know it and they know it.  It’s just completely unfair- don’t do it.

There will be the rare occasion where you meet someone who is just too precious to you that you can’t possibly let them go (my Ex’s sister is legit one of my best friends of LIFE) but know that it takes a long time and some serious work to seperate what you have with them from the ties of your previous relationship. You CAN make it work if they really mean enough to you BUT, if your just doing it to ignite a bit of jealousy from your Ex in the hopes they’ll come crawling back, ask yourself this- ‘Would I go back with someone THIS desperate?’ Of course you wouldn’t honey.

So there you have it beauts- as I sit here on my high horse with my rose tinted glasses and snapchat filtered life I want you to know this… the only reason I know what NOT to do, is because I’ve done it all before. My friends still laugh at some of the states I got myself into over said ‘Ex’ but hey, I was super young and super in love. When we decided to go our seperate ways,we did it with respect for eachother and for ourselves, and lets face it sugar…aint nothin’ cooler than a bad bitch with some self respect.

 
Till next time sweetcheeks,

Kirsty x